I am not Irish, in any microscopic percentage of being (despite the name that has plagued me since birth). I've never been to Ireland. And although I do generally enjoy the color green (how could you not? leaves, grass, grasshoppers), I resent the need to wear it on St. Patrick's Day. In fact, if I were a St. Patrick purist, I'd insist on blue, which was the actual color of St. Patrick before the day became synonymous with Irish folklore and the green of Ireland. Guess what. I'm not Roman Catholic either, the religion which is supposed to celebrate St. Patrick's Day.
I am an American Christian who is not wearing green but is, coincidentally, wearing blue, and who, when I walk outside today, stands the risk of getting pinched. Pinched! As in, a method often used to discover if one is dreaming or not, an action designed for immediate, significant, though short-lasted pain. Transitively, I am risking pain by going outside and not wearing green today because today is the day that American Christians honor their patron saint by wearing a color unconnected to that saint......ohhhh wait.......that's not right......
So, anyway. Beer, anyone?
Reasons to like St. Patrick's Day:
1) Green. It's my color. I look stunning in it.
2) Beer. You can drink so much beer you think you're Irish and then enjoy St. Patrick's Day because you're Irish.
3) Four-leaf clovers---they're so abundant that you delude yourself (see reason 2) into thinking they're easy to find in reality and that, therefore, good luck is easy to find in reality.
4) Brotherly love (again references to reason 2)
5) Not American. Since you are Irish for the day (or if you actually have some Irish blood in you), you can claim to be un/non-American, which is a very cool American thing to do.
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