Banana-Rama

I have long been known to eat more than my fair share of bananas. I eat them at breakfast, at lunch, at dinner, for snacks, with peanut butter, sliced, whatever. According to recent Japanese trends, this diet makes me thin.

Yep, the Morning Banana Diet is so HUGE in Japan that they can't keep bananas in stock. The diet's instructions include eating a banana for breakfast along with a glass of lukewarm water, eat normal meals for lunch an dinner, and be in bed before midnight.

The Japanese, obviously known for their obesity, may be onto something. Bananas are known to increase energy. (Now you can workout.) They can prevent depression, PMS, and anemia and they reduce high blood pressure (giving you better health). Add more sleep to the banana and you also get reduced stress, prevents cancer, bolsters your memory, and (GET THIS) makes you lose weight! Hmmm.....

Shall we sing along?

A beautiful bunch a'ripe banana
(Daylight come and he wan' go home)
Hide thee deadly black tarantula
(Daylight come and he wan' go home)

It's six foot, seven foot, eight foot, BUNCH!
(Daylight come and he wan' go home)
Six foot, seven foot, eight foot, BUNCH!

National Debt Clock

So you may have heard. The National Debt Clock in NYC's Time Square had to change its look last week. The debt has gotten so large that we have had to add a digit to the square that previously only held the dollar sign. It's hit $10.2 trillion.

Not to worry. There is a plan to remedy the situation.

The clock will be replaced next year to allow it to track up to a quadrillion dollars. I had to find a definition of that because I get a little loopy after trillions. A quadrillion is a 1 followed by 15 zeros.

This, of course, begs the question, what if we did this with our personal debt? Let's say I max out my credit card. No problem! Get a bigger card. Literally. Increase its dimensions as well as its funds. So what if it can't fit in your wallet? It's big and shiny and that's cool.

Parental Controls for your Car

I'm Ba-aaaaack. I know I've been MIA for awhile, now. But to be completely honest, it's only because I'm stupid enough to not only forget my password but also forget which of my emails I use for Blogspot. Get over it. I did.

So here's what you missed in the meantime: the SKIN project (which I had to have one of my writers at the magazine write on since I could not). Link here to that article. It's a really awesome but incredibly risky way to unite people through literature.

And now.....
the MyKey. This is a feature on upcoming Ford cars/trucks that limits the driver's speed to less than 80mph. It also allows for stereo volume limits an annoying noises to remind you that you aren't wearing a seatbelt.

Basically, it's a parent's dream and a teen's nightmare. But guess who usually buys the car?

The idea is a bit Big Brother for me to swallow. But, what with the new applications on your apple phone telling you where all your friends are at any given moment (and vice versa), the MyKey is surprising tame (and strangely geared toward safety rather than stalking capabilities).

Hmmm.

New DNA; Ramsey okay

Well, it only took eleven and a half years, but it looks like the family of JonBenet Ramsey is in the clear. Several years ago, the evidence swayed those still following the case that Patsy Ramsey was not the likely murderer and that the evidence suggested an intruder. New DNA has eradicated any remnant beliefs of the family's guilt. The results were announced and issued with an apology to the family for the increased stress in the situation. Unfortunately for Patsy Ramsey, this all comes a couple of years after her death from a battle with ovarian cancer.

Jeffrey MacDonald only wishes he had such luck. Excuse me, I mean innocence.

She Has Her Reasons

I originally wrote this for the magazine but a demographic shift means it's no longer usable.....

Recently, my friend and I were discussing how uncomfortable we find the chairs we sit on for most of the day, every day, so we decided to get a little creative and think of things that might substitute for those chairs. Our not-so-great ideas included a tree stump (think of the splinter hazards), a stack of old textbooks, and no chair at all. But I’d have to say our best idea was the exercise ball….and here’s why:

1. It’s colorful. Most desk chairs offer you the wide color selection of black, or gray, or brown, or black. If a store is particularly daring, they may carry some shade of navy blue that is so dark it may as well be black. In contrast, the exercise ball comes in bright colors like yellow, red, and blue—the primaries. What an eye-catching way to add a little pop to your desk space.
2. It’s round. I don’t know why I find this fact so appealing other than that chairs don’t really have a shape. They’re chair-shaped. But an exercise ball, it’s spherical. It’s the best shape because it has no edges. If you hit your knee on it because you misjudged a corner—oh wait! Impossible. There is no corner.
3. It’s playful. I like to see how long I can balance on an exercise ball without touching the floor and have minor competitions with others or with myself. The game is not quite so challenging when you’re seated on a chair with four legs. I’ve tried it. It’s rather dull.
4. It’s unique. Do you know anyone who has an exercise ball-chair? I don’t.
5. It’s bouncy. I have been known to have some difficulty sitting still. And if you can get me to sit still, it probably isn’t in the proper way to sit in a normal chair. I’ll sit with in Indian-style, with my feet folded under my legs and nothing hanging down (let alone placed firmly on the ground). I’ll even sit with my feet both up on the chair, my knees bent, and my chin resting on my knees—let me tell you, this is a general no-no in the professional world. If I’m going to sit primly and properly all day long, my desk chair at home better offer me something different. The exercise ball is an interactive chair. It’s not quite so serious. And you know what bouncy, bouncy, bouncy means….
6. It’s fun, fun, fun, fun, fun!

There are, of course, negative aspects to the exercise ball-chair. For instance, how would you slide it under the desk for a nice, neat effect? It would just roll right out again. I can’t say I know of much back support that it offers—although, that may instead require you to work on your posture, which would, in turn, be a positive aspect of the ball-chair. The most obvious negative for the exercise ball desk chair is, of course, that with all the colorfulness, roundness, playfulness, individuality, bounciness, and fun, you’d never look at anything on the actual desk. This possibility somewhat defeats the point of the desk itself. In which case, we could remove the desk and simply play with the exercise ball in an empty room…..only when would any work get done?

Oooh, dilemma.

Misquoted Follow-up

Having visited the bank today, I was pleased and disheartened to find that the sign had been changed. The same message remains but the quotes had been erased. And although this is closer to the meaning they are actually seeking, it really takes away the enjoyability of my banking transaction.

What to Expect When You're Expecting

Lately, I've been doing some work for an up-and-coming magazine based in Beverly Hills and they've asked that I take on more responsibility and create a personal website for readers and professionals perusing their website to access. And so I set about staking my claim on the world wide web---it isn't land on the moon, but I'm gaining on Mr. Cruise. I'm still not all the way out of the woods on this project, but I've done a bit and here's my advice to others looking to do a bit:

1. Nothing is free. If a website offers to provide a free personal website, they will tack on their name in the address, and/or graffiti your site with a banner advertisement of their name. Prepare your wallet for a beating. Lay it out; string it up; talk trash to it, the works.

2. Wear a headset. You will inevitably be on the phone with some tech-y, at some point, and for some undetermined amount of time. Plus, it looks wicked. Quite stylish.

3. Listen to the Monkees. You'll have lots of stepping stones in this effort. Providers, hosts, layouts, design, etc. etc. etc. etc. Remember, the internet is nothing if not complex and potentially confusing.

4. Pay someone else to do it. Strangely enough, there are people, many people, who know how to do this stuff rather effectively. It will be worth the effort (which is far less than trying to actually create a website) to contact a few others to see who you know and who they know who know how to do what you don't know.